Footfuckers Rejoice, Vajankle hits the market

V

GIZMODO- Just like the human/avatar ladyparts on which they’re modeled, fleshlights come in all sorts of wacky shapes and colors. But if and when making love to a plastic robot vagina starts to lose its thrill, Sin Boutique is here to cushion your deep, dark fall with the latest solo sex substitute. In the form of a foot. You can now have sex with a plastic, vagina foot.

Dubbed the Vajankle (because you can always make something worse if you put your mind to it), the disembodied sex leg is meant to appeal to the foot fetishists among us by sticking a vagina directly into a lobbed off ankle. Nail polish is, of course, optional.

If you, too, want to put your penis inside of a plastic, foot-shaped hole, the Vajankle can be yours for the low, one-time price of $180 dollars. Which is probably a steal compared to how much it would cost to Frankenstein yourself an actual vagina foot. You can even choose the nail polish/skin tone shade to match the real, decidedly less-fuckable human foot of your choice. Because sometimes, dreams really can come true.

Rex Ryan eat your heart out. So this is where we are as a society? We are catering to people who get there rocks off thinking about sticking their unit in a disembodied ankle? Whoever invented this is some kind of mad scientist somewhere in a sex toy laboratory. Probably regrets having ever made it.

I’m sure there are tons of weirdos who will buy this thing but only 3 people come to mind

REX RYAN

rex

This fat bastard is a sucker for sucking toes. I don’t know what’s weirder; his foot fetish or how open he is about his foot fetish. He’s borderline proud of his weird kink.

QUENTIN TARANTINO

q

Just looking at Tarantino you assume he’s into some weird shit. And then he starts talking and he leaves no doubt. I had heard the rumors and after some interneting (I googled Tarantino feet) I found this gem. But that makes this scene:

Way more disturbing. Tarantino definitely had Uma Thurman do about 20 takes for that scene.

THIS GUY

t

No I don’t mean John Turtorro. I mean the skeevy perv-butler that he played in Mr. Deeds. A fictional character but the list of foot fetish guys is (thankfully) pretty short.

Advertisements

Dallas Cowboy Superfan Chris Christie Hits The Deck

chris

http://cbsrphl.cbsradio.com/global/video/popup/pop_playerLaunch.asp?vt1=v&clipFormat=flv&clipId1=11085236&at1=Radio 01&h1=Chris Christie Falls Down&flvUri=&partnerclipid=

So apparently they played this at the Jumbotron at the Wing Bowl today. If you’re a South Jersey guy and your rubbing elbows with Jerry Jones you’re going to piss of a lot of people, especially in Philadelphia. I mean Dallas? They killed one of our greatest presidents for Fuck’s sake. If you live in Jersey you can root for any of 3 teams: The Eagles, The Jets, or maybe the Giants. You can’t pull for the division rivals. Grow up Christie.

There’s also the fact that no matter who they are, a video of someone missing a chair is always funny. Add the fat guy factor and 94WIP posting this was a no-brainer.

Suge Knight Opens Charity. Just Kidding, He Killed Someone In A Car Crash

Suge
Rap mogul Suge Knight involved in fatal hit-and-run 01:04

(CNN)Former rap mogul Marion “Suge” Knight was involved in a fatal hit-and-run in Compton, California, on Thursday, according to his lawyer’s office.

The office of Los Angeles-based attorney James E. Blatt declined to say whether Knight was driving. It wasn’t immediately clear who else was involved in the incident.

There were two victims, said Sgt. Ryan Rouzan, with the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. One was pronounced dead at an area hospital. The other’s condition was not known.

Rouzan declined to identify any of the people involved. An investigation is ongoing.

Knight founded the successful Death Row Records in 1991, signing artists such as Snoop Doggy Dogg (since then known as Snoop Dogg and Snoop Lion) and Tupac Shakur.

Knight was driving the car in which Shakur was a passenger when the rapper was shot to death in Las Vegas in 1996.

Shortly afterward, Knight spent several years in prison for violating parole on assault and weapons convictions. That prison time — along with Shakur’s death, feuds between Knight and a number of rappers and desertions by Dr. Dre, Snoop and others — contributed to the label’s bankruptcy in 2006.

 

In August, Knight and two other people were shot while inside a celebrity-filled Sunset Strip party hosted by singer Chris Brown on the eve of the MTV Video Music Awards.

The most dangerous area in America is the 50 yard radius around Suge Knight. He quite literally may be a magnet for bullets and incoming traffic. You have to know there’s like a 40% chance you get killed every time you’re with Suge. The guys got a higher body count than Chris Kyle. Saying he’s famous for founding Death Row is like saying Kim Kardashian is famous for her fashion work. No, she’s a porn star and he’s the human embodiment of death.

We’ll see if he has the other guy in the car takes the fall. I doubt Suge Knight wants to die in prison

PS- I am a little scared to post this because I think it’s entirely possible that Reverend Knight tracks me down and kills me

Charlie Murphy’s Brother Is Going To Be On SNL

murphi

The Murphi

NBCNEWS- It’s been more than 30 years since Eddie Murphy has appeared on ‘Saturday Night Live,’ but the comedian confirmed his return to Studio 8H for the show’s 40th anniversary special.

Murphy broke the news in a phone interview with News One Now. “It just never worked out where the timing was right for me to do it,” Murphy said, explaining his three-decade absence. “They’re having a 40th anniversary. … I’m going to that. And that will be the first time I’ve been back since I left.”

Murphy last stepped foot on the ‘SNL’ stage on Dec. 15, 1984 as a host, 10 months after ending his stint as a cast member. He joined the cast in 1981 when he was just 19 years old and remains the second youngest performer in the show’s history.

In his four years on ‘SNL’ Murphy was a breakout star among the cast, playing such iconic characters as Buckwheat, Gumby, Mr. Robinson, and doing celebrity impressions of Stevie Wonder, James Brown and Bill Cosby.

The ‘Saturday Night Live’ 40th anniversary special will air live on Sunday, Feb. 15 at 8 p.m. ET.

After 30 years Eddie Murphy will be back in 30 Rock where he first made it big. It’s sad that when people think of Eddie Murphy these days they think of this:

norbit

Instead of this:

coming

Or This:

Eddie

(FYI: He’s the one on the right)

Because back in the day Eddie Murphy was fucking hilarious. People don’t realize he was arguably the biggest comedian in the world back in the 80’s. That’s why I’m surprised he hasn’t been back in so long. I tried to dig up some sketches from when he was on SNL but Universal is stricter with its content than the NFL will be with the football pressure Sunday. Looking at his career arc it’s similar to what Adam Sandler/Mike Meyers and to a lesser extent David Spade did. Kill it on SNL, come out hot with some funny movies and then chase cash until you become a parody of yourself. It makes you wonder how Farley would have turned out had he lived.

I realize the current cast is extremely young and not all that funny and a lot of people don’t watch but that just makes the guest host even more important. Bill Hader’s episode this season was still good because they managed to shoehorn him into every sketch. This has some potential and will definitely be a hungover Sunday watch. (RIP Football season)

PS- Murphy was making fun of Bill Cosby before it was cool

Guess How Many Sixers Made The All-Star Game?

nba
By Marc Stein | ESPN.com

Golden State‘s Klay Thompson, Chicago‘s Jimmy Butler and Atlanta‘s Jeff Teague ‎are first-time NBA All-Stars after being selected by coaches in their respective conferences.

The league announced Thursday night that Teague is one of three members of the 38-8 Atlanta Hawksto make the Eastern Conference squad alongside teammates Al Horford and Paul Millsap.

But Sacramento Kings big man DeMarcus Cousins — one of just three players in the league averaging better than 20 points and 10 rebounds per game alongside West starter Anthony Davis and reserveLaMarcus Aldridge — and Portland Trail Blazers guard Damian Lillard were the most prominent players snubbed by the coaches in the packed West.

Aldridge, San Antonio’s Tim Duncan and Oklahoma City star Kevin Durant earned frontcourt spots ahead of Cousins, with Durant, as the league’s reigning MVP, getting the nod from West coaches ‎despite playing in only 21 of the Thunder’s first 46 games this season because of injuries.

Houston’s James Harden, Oklahoma City’s Russell Westbrook and the Los Angeles ClippersChris Paul also are West reserves.

[s Cousins’ 23.8 points and 12.3 rebounds per game weren’t enough to make the All-Star team.

The season-ending shoulder injury suffered by the Los Angeles LakersKobe Bryant means NBA commissioner Adam Silver will be charged with choosing Bryant’s replacement. Western Conference coach Steve Kerr will have the right to choose who starts in Bryant’s place, with Harden and Thompson believed to be in pole position to step in.

Joining Horford, Millsap, Teague and Butler as Eastern Conference reserves are Cleveland’s Kyrie Irving and the Miami duo of Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade.

Yet, with the Heat announcing Thursday that Wade is “out indefinitely” because of a hamstring problem, it’s likely that Silver will also have to select a replacement for him in the East.

As it stands, Cousins and Lillard are joined on the list of prominent snubs in the West by the Memphis duo of Zach Randolph and Mike Conley, Dallas’ Dirk Nowitzki, Monta Ellis and Tyson Chandler, Houston’s Dwight Howard, San Antonio’s Kawhi Leonard and the Clippers’ DeAndre Jordan.

Prominent snubs in the East include Atlanta’s Kyle Korver, Orlando’s Nikola Vucevic, Cleveland’s Kevin Love, Charlotte’s Kemba Walker and Al Jefferson, Detroit’s Greg Monroe and Brandon Jennings, and Milwaukee’s Brandon Knight.

Head coaches in each conference had to vote for two guards, three frontcourt players and two players regardless of position. They couldn’t vote for players on their own teams.

The same amount as the fucks Marshawn Lynch gives about the media. This wasn’t a surprise at all but the depressing thing is there was no one even in the conversation. And that’s in the lowly East no less. The only other teams that didn’t have a legitimate player to put forward were Boston, Brooklyn and Indiana. Not exactly good company to be in.

The only major gripes I have is Boogie Cousins and Damian Lillard. Cousins has been an absolute force this season when he’s healthy. He has a tendency to not hustle back on D and he’s still flies off the handle on occasion but can you blame him? He plays for the Kings. Without Cousins that team is a borderline D-League team. Lillard has made the leap to the next level and has been playing like a real superstar. He’s still not a great defender but he is improving. The biggest reason I think these two may have been snubbed is they play for small market teams so they don’t have the same level of exposure. Other than that I’d probably have chosen Korver but so much that he does for the Hawks can’t be measured with statistics so I get it. But what the fuck do I know.

Phillies Projected To Be The Worst Team In Baseball. In Other News The Sky Is Blue and Water Is Wet

Baseball Prospectus on Wednesday released its annual PECOTA projections, which always makes for an interesting read.

The sabermetric system developed by Nate Silver not at all surprisingly this year projects the Phillies to, at 69-93, finish with baseball’s worst record. It has the Twins winning 70 games and the Rockies and Royals – yes, the reigning American League champs – winning 72.

PECOTA projects the Dodgers, not Max Scherzer and the Nationals, to claim baseball’s best record, at 97-65. It pegs the Nats to win 91 games, the Mets to finish in second in the NL East with their first winning record since 2008 at 82-80 and the Marlins to go 81-81. It has the Braves finishing five wins better than the Phillies.

PECOTA doesn’t exactly go out on a limb here to project that the Phillies will struggle to score runs in 2015. It has them scoring 577, which would be their worst output (not counting strike-shortened seasons) since … wait for it … 1971 (558).

This news is just piling on at this point. The Philly sports scene is pretty bleak right now. The Eagles managed to miss the playoffs, It looks the Flyers will do the same, The Sixers won’t be favored again this year unless they play the Washington Generals, and now the Phillies are predicted to repeat as the worst team in the league. In short:

It’s not like this comes as a surprise but can we at least pretend like the garbage fire that is the Phillies don’t exist until we absolutely have to? Just bury our heads in the sand until the season starts, build up some irrational sense of hope, and then watch the first two months of competitive baseball before we throw in the towel.

So my message to Baseball Prospectus when it comes to Philadelphia sports:

Jerami Grant eats Jonas Jerebko lunch

tank

I won’t sugarcoat it. The Sixers may be one of the all-time great teams at being bad at basketball. Truly brutal to watch. As a diehard fan and glutton for punishment I still watch most games but it hasn’t been easy. That’s why Sixers fan need to find the small things to keep from losing hope. Like this:

Unfortunately we also picked up the win. C’mon guys you’re not being paid to win. You’re supposed to go out there, put up some highlight plays and lose a close one. We need those ping-pong balls and the Knicks are right on our tanking tail at 9-37. We are so close. Together We Build (by losing)