The Lakers Win Pyrrhic Victory Over The Sixers 113-111 In OT

Hey LA Idiots, you’re going the wrong way. Didn’t you hear? It’s a race to the bottom, wins are actually a bad thing. Go ahead, don’t play Boozehound or Jeremy Lin. The Sixers always find a way.

There wasn’t any March Madness tournament games last night but I was jonesing for some college ball. Luckily, this game was on. Seriously this game was a who’s who of who’s that. I know all the Sixers because I’m nothing if not a glutton for punishment but I was completely at a loss for some of the absolute scrubs that the Lakers trotted out. I watch basketball more often than a teenager pounds off but even I was left scratching my head. I honestly only knew like 3 players and Sacre and Hill didn’t even start. And what the fuck is a Jordan Clarkson?

Nerlens played well throughout going for 19 points, 14 boards 4 assists, 1 block, 1 steal, 1 bourbon, 1 scotch, and 1 beer, netting his 9th double double of the month.

He would have got 2 blocks but the refs Steve Jobbed him on a bogus foul call that truly might have been the worse foul/block call these eyes have ever seen.

But he didn’t shoot particularly well going 7-18 overall and 5-10 from the line, including 2 huge missed free throws when the game was on the line. That’s 2 straight games he could have finished off the opponent and came up short. He’s a rookie though with enormous upside so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. (Plus maybe he realized that not only are we racing LA to the bottom but  Philly will get the Lakers’ first-round pick through a previous trade if it falls out of the top five this year.)



Hannibal Buress And His Friend Bill Cosby Handle Hecklers In Very Different Ways

Bill Cosby continues to be heckled by audience members attending his stand-up comedy shows. The latest incident took place Friday evening while the Cosby Show star was performing in Baltimore at the Lyric Opera House. Only minutes into Cosby’s performance, a man stood up from the audience and shouted, “38 women spoke up and called you a rapist.” According to the Baltimore City Paper, the heckler added, “Tell the one about how to get away with rape.” In a video posted online, several other fans can be heard telling him to “shut up,” but it was the comedian who ultimately stood up to him when he said, “Just remain calm,” before adding, “We are here to enjoy my gift. We are not here to argue. Let those people speak. We will find them and ask them to leave.” Crook was ultimately removed by security, but there were more protestors waiting outside the Lyric Opera House who were shouting, “Your fame won’t shame anyone!”

Heckler’s are quite possibly the biggest assholes in the world. What kind of ego a person must have to actually think anyone wants to hear what they have to say. No one is paying to see you shut the fuck up and sit down. If you’re a fan shut the fuck up. If you think the act sucks, shut the fuck up. If you’re offended, shut the fuck up. A comedian could do a bit about my grandma specifically dying of cancer and I’d still wait until after the show to fight him.

As much as hecklers suck I do always enjoy watching them get eviscerated. What’s the heckler’s strategy really? You’re attacking the only man in the room with a microphone. One that people have paid money to see and literally makes his living making people laugh. That’s like going to a UFC fight and throwing a punch. Just plain stupid. Hannibal is possibly the most mellow guy in comedy so even though he’s clearly pissed he just calmly strikes this clown down.

The Cosby heckler might be the exception to the rule. This guy paid good money to yell at Cosby about his little amateur anesthesiologist hobby and ruin his show. It’s more than likely that he’s a self-righteous neckbeard but I can’t fault him for going after Temple’s favorite alum. In a room filled with Cosby fans the heckler is the lesser of two assholes.

Here’s both of my comedy deities going off on hecklers. In real life and in character.

MJ Spent The Weekend Balling With Tom Brady, Talking Trash

This is why no one will ever come close to the greatness of Michael Jordan. He’s 50 and he’s playing a pickup game with a bunch of non-pro’s and he still feels the need to talk trash. MJ can trash talk better than anyone ever while Lebron can’t take a little heat from an octogenarian in a customized Mr. Whammy jersey. Worlds apart.

I’m impressed with Tom Brady’s stroke. He’s come along way athletically from his combine video:

PS- Gotta respect the move to just lean into being a fat guy by Jordan. You’re 50, you’re the greatest player of all time, and you’re a billionaire. You can fuck whoever you want, so what’s the point at staying in shape at this stage? That 4th comeback’s not happening.

Does This Look Like The Face Of The Guy Who Stole Leo’s Girl?

Hey guys, check out Joel Embiid’s girlfriend:

Not bad, Joel. Not bad at all. Mr. Steal Yo Girlfriend. He pulled her without playing a single minute on the court yet. Just think the kinda tail he’ll be getting once he start dominating the NBA.

#TogetherWeBuild #Sixers 2020

PS- Someone needs to break the news to poor Kim Kardashian. She must be devastated.

Lebron Got Superfan, Mr. Whammy, Removed From The Nets Game

The Cleveland Cavaliers suffered a tough 106-98 loss to the Brooklyn Nets on Friday night, and they apparently weren’t too happy with one fan at the Barclays Center. Mr. Whammy, the 79-year-old Nets superfan known for standing behind the basket and creating a ruckus while opponents shoot free throws, was asked to return to his seat on Friday, according to Mitch Abramson of the New York Daily News. Bruce Reznick, the superfan, claimed Nets CEO Brett Yormark asked him to move back, saying: He said, ‘Do me a favor, please move back so that NBA security doesn’t throw you out.’ LeBron is a crybaby. I know it was him that asked the security to make me move. He doesn’t like that I make him miss. He thinks he’s more powerful than anyone in the NBA.

Per Abramson, an NBA security official confirmed that the Cavaliers requested Mr. Whammy return to his seat. When asked if he was the one to make the request, however, LeBron declined to comment: Asked after the game if he instructed security to remove Mr. Whammy, James — who had 24 points and nine assists — stared blankly at a reporter as he iced both feet in a small container before a Cavs official fired off, “Next question.”

This is how you heckle. And Mr. Whammy is doing it at the highest level. Some people settle for Canadian teenage hockey players. Not Mr. Whammy. He owns real estate in Fuckboy’s brain. Doesn’t Lebron realize there is no higher form of flattery in the heckling game then telling on the heckler? That means whatever Mr. Whammy was doing he was 100% working.

What a bitch move by Lebron telling on him. Mr. Whammy is just a crazy old coot that gets his kicks by trying to distract free throws shooters. Why do you have to try to take that away from him? Just ignore him. He’ll probably be dead by the time you have to play in Brooklyn again.

Lebron missed 2 free throws that night. Mr. Whammy strikes again!

PS- His Airness would never consider even consider getting a heckler booted. He’d feed off the hate and drop 50. Quit being such a mental midget, Fuckboy.

Canadian Idiot Loves Heckling Junior Hockey Players

When interviewed by NTV, Simms said he never blocked anyone, and defended his heckling by pointing out that the players are usually 18 to 22 years old, and therefore old enough to deal with the shouting. “If the hockey moms can’t handle me yelling and heckling at the rinks, I think they should stick to crosswords and knitting,” Simms said. “And if the young boys—young men, I should say—can’t handle a bit of heckling at the rink, they should stick to tiddlywinks and Playstation.” Simms also addressed a report that he told a woman he would “rip her head off and clean the ice with it.” “I’m not a terrorist,” he said. “That’s like ISIS stuff. They use knives.”

What’s that old saying? Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life? This guy has found it. I wish I had the passion for anything in my life that this guy has for heckling junior hockey players. He’s damn proud of his ability to rattle borderline teenage hockey players. He may be a bully but it’s good he clarified he wasn’t ISIS. I was worried there for a second. He’ll threaten to rip a hockey mom’s head off for ice-cleaning purposes but he doesn’t use knives. He’s not a monster.

And what kind of accent is that? It’s sounds like what would happen if the Trailer Park Boys and Colin Farrell had a kid. Not very easy on the ears. Maybe that’s for the best. It’d be unfair if someone as charming as this guy didn’t have at least one flaw. He’d probably drown in pussy.

PS- Are crosswords a chick thing? I do them everyday without giving it a second thought. If Simms here is right I’m on a slippery slope that could end with knitting and tiddlywinks. I need to reevaluate some things.

Kevin Durant Out 4-6 Months

— NBA MVP Kevin Durant will miss the rest of the season and have bone graft surgery next week to treat a fractured bone in his right foot. The Oklahoma City Thunder had said last week he likely would be shut down for the season. The team was trying to figure out why his pain remained long after he was supposed to be able to play. General manager Sam Presti said Friday the team expects Durant to return to basketball activities within the four to six months.

Well that blows donkey dick. You hate to see transcendent players like Durant and Rose rotting away on the injury list, especially during their primes. A guy with his length that can handle and shoot like Durant can is a once in a lifetime kind of player. Anyone who’s a true fan of the game of basketball enjoys watching the Slim Reaper operate. Hopefully he comes back full strength next season.

This has actual implications for Sixers fans as well. Philadelphia has OKC’s first round pick this year but it’s protected through the 15th pick. So if you’re a Sixers fan you have a vested interest in OKC making the playoffs so Philly gets the pick in this draft rather than it rolling over until next year. If Durant, Westbrook and Ibaka are all healthy next year that pick will slide from the 15-20 range to the upper 20s/lower 30’s judging by past performance. OKC has the 8 seed right now but the Pelicans are only 2 1/2 games back and the Brow can take over a game at any point. Hopefully Westbrook can continue to play like a man possessed and the Sixers can keep their pick.


PS- Anyone saying they are better off without Durant so that Westbrook can go hog-wild is certifiably donkey-brained.