Runner Celebrated The W A Little Bit Too Early

You never count your eggs before they hatch and you never celebrate a victory until the final buzzer. You end up looking like a fucking moron. I’d rather be the Kentucky guy. Ya, he got smoked and lost by a half mile but at least he didn’t blow his load on a dry run.

Who was he trying to pump up anyway, it’s a fucking track meet. Your parents are proud of you either way so maybe just focus on finishing the race off. It’s the least exciting event I can think of. You want people to cheer for you, play a real sport.

Matt Barnes Said AI Used To Drop 40k A Night At The Strip Club

Allen Iverson isn’t exactly a pillar of financial responsibility. Much has been made in recent years about Iverson’s being broke (or maybe not broke), and there are few expensive ventures you could rattle off involving The Answer that would make me stop in my tracks and say, “Nope. No way he did that.” If it cost a lot and was around in the mid-2000s, Iverson did it. In this vein, Matt Barnes’ recent comments regarding Iverson’s spending habits at strip clubs come as a small surprise. Barnes, who played alongside Iverson on the 2005-06 Philadelphia 76ers, told Sports Illustrated’s Chris Ballard that he used to watch the 76ers superstar throw between $30,000 and $40,000 at gentlemen’s clubs whenever they went out: Allen was the first guy that showed me how NBA players spend money in strip clubs. That guy went. HARD. He’d throw so much money, and this was when I was first in the league, that I used to take my foot and scoop the s–t under my chair and either re-throw it or put some in my pocket. He’d throw $30,000, $40,000 every time we went. I’m like, “You realize what I can do with this money?”

The takeaway here isn’t AI’s being financially donkeybrained. We knew that, the guy used to buy a whole new wardrobe everywhere the team went rather than pack. It’s how cheap and grimy Matt Barnes. You’re a professional athlete and you’re stealing from fucking strippers. There’s lives are pretty bleak without you skimming off the top when their favorite customer comes to town. I haven’t heard of a celebrity being that cheap since Carl Weathers was Tobias Funke’s “acting” coach:

If you told me an NBA player was doing something like this, this guy would have been pretty high on my guess list:

Are We Doing Boners For Sarah Palin? This Guy Sure As Hell Is

Is This Guy Sporting a Chubby Next to Sarah Palin or Nah?

Is This Guy Sporting a Chubby Next to Sarah Palin or Nah?

There is no more patriotic boner than a Sarah Palin inspired boner. The blood pumping in that guys Levi’s is red, white, and blue. This guy eats freedom and shits hot dogs. He always remembers to emphasize Obama’s middle name and he served 3 tours of duty fighting against the War On Christmas. He’s not even embarrassed that he’s got an obvious erection. If anything he’s kinda flaunting it. What a boss.

PS- Do old guys still get random boners? Morning wood is a given, but I haven’t thrown a completely random mid-day boner in a dogs age.

Brandon Jennings Thinks Chris Brown Is More Talented Than Michael Jackson

https://twitter.com/BrandonJennings/status/587158860684664832

https://twitter.com/BrandonJennings/status/587159361258045441

https://twitter.com/BrandonJennings/status/587159725835362304

https://twitter.com/BrandonJennings/status/587161348347314177

https://twitter.com/BrandonJennings/status/587162175996735488

https://twitter.com/BrandonJennings/status/587163688764776449

 vs. 

Me weighing in on who’s a better dancer is a bit like Jenny McCarthy weighing in on vaccines but here we go. Isn’t it just an accepted fact that MJ is the best dancer ever? Everything Chris Brown does is just a toned down version of Michael. Some of his moves don’t even make sense to me.

When it comes to songs it gets ugly. I’m sure I’ve heard a ton of Chris Brown songs but I can’t name a single one off the top of my head. Not a one. Meanwhile MJ was just a hit machine. Man in the Mirror, Thriller, Billy Jean, Beat It, The Way You Make Me Feel, Would You Be There. His songs were so huge that Weird Al basically owes MJ his entire career. I think this is just a young guy wanting the current guy to be the GOAT. Lebron is not Jordan and Chris Brown is not Jackson. Jennings should stick to being the leading scorer on shitty NBA teams.

PS- Good point about MJ never having a scandal, Brandon. It’s not like he ruined anyone’s life.

PPS- Never forget that Chris Brown is a piece of shit.

Nelly Busted With Weed And Meth On Tourbus

PHOTO: Rapper Nelly was arrested on drug charges in Tennessee on April 11, 2015, according to the Tennessee Highway Patrol.

Rapper Nelly was arrested on felony drug charges Saturday morning, according to the Tennessee Highway Patrol. Nelly, whose real name is Cornell Haynes, was charged with felony possession of drugs, simple possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia, authorities said. Nelly, 40, was arrested after a state trooper allegedly smelled marijuana when he stopped a coach bus that didn’t have proper stickers displayed in its windows, police said. “Nelly was one of several individuals that was on a tour bus that was stopped and searched while traveling through Tennessee,” Nelly’s attorney Scott Rosenblum said in a statement to ABC News. Rosenblum said a small quantity of MDMA, a drug best known as ecstasy or Molly, was discovered during the search. “We are extremely confident that when the facts come out, Nelly will not be associated with the contraband that was allegedly discovered,“ the statement said. The Tennessee Highway Patrol said that troopers found “crystal-type rocks that tested positive for methamphetamine” as well as marijuana, drug paraphernalia and numerous handguns when they searched the vehicle. They said that out of the six people on the bus, Nelly and a man named Brian Jones, 44 – who was allegedly found to be in possession of a handgun – were arrested.

How shitty is Nelly’s entourage? You have to have the one guy in the crew who knows that when the cops show up it’s his job to fall on the sword and eat the drug charges. Nelly’s your fucking meal ticket he can’t be doing time. Do you want to have to get a real job, Turtle?

On the plus side this is really gonna boost Nelly’s street cred. Every rapper alive smokes weed but meth is a complete gamechanger. I didn’t know Nelly had it in him. He needed something like that after he did this:

Quite a summer jam but softer than baby shit.

Chris Hansen Is Doing A Kickstarter To Bring Back To Catch A Predator

Chris Hansen is heading to Kickstarter to create a new version of To Catch a Predator. The series, which involved Hansen confronting men who sought out underage sex partners, ended in 2007, but now Hansen is looking for $400,000 in funding to bring a new version of it online. According to the Los Angeles Times, the new show will be calledHansen vs. Predator and will debut online before later being sold to TV networks. Hansen says that he decided crowdfunding was “the best way” to get the series made, though it’s very possible that networks just shot him down. “There is a pent-up demand from viewers for another investigation,” Hansen tells the Times. “And from a technology standpoint, the landscape has really changed since we did the last one.” The new series sounds as though it’ll be about the same as the old one, involving hidden cameras and online stings. “When we did it before, there were chat rooms on AOL and Yahoo,” Hansen says. “Now there are 22 ways to communicate online.” Kickstarter is a natural place for Hansen to go. For one, Predator is an investigative series that’s very much about the use of the internet, so online audiences may be more receptive. But moreover, Hansen’s image and catchphrase (“Have a seat”) have lived on as memes online. Other properties with cult followings — like Veronica Mars — have already shown that crowdfunding can be used to their advantage. Predator was a ratings star on TV, too, so there’s a good chance that Hansen will find plenty of old fans willing to fund more episodes.

Like I addressed in my blog about Super Troopers 2 I don’t ever see myself donating to one of these things (because I’m a poor):

https://billmurray570.wordpress.com/2015/03/26/super-troopers-2-is-happening/

But just like with Super Troopers 2 I hope this gets made and I assume it will. Everyone loves To Catch A Predator. What’s not to love? You get to feel great about yourself while you watch these perverts getting catfished by Chris Hansen. What takes it to another level is the amount of joy Chris Hansen gets from busting these dirtbags. He loves every second of it. The man has found his calling. I wish I loved anything as much as Hansen loves To Catch A Predator.

Things Are Not Looking Good For The Sixers Potential Draft Picks

What a kick in the dick. It looks like all 3 of the draft picks that the Sixers acquired for the upcoming draft are going to roll over to next season. In case you haven’t been watching the Sixers need that help fucking yesterday. Here’s the breakdown:


The OKC Thunder Pick

(Top-18 Protected, OKC Tanking Position:19th)

This one is deader than disco. OKC only has 3 games left so they statistically cannot catch Washington. This one hurt the most because at the time of the trade it looked like a pretty safe bet that the Sixers would be getting it this year. OKC, when healthy, is one of the most talented teams in the league. Unfortunately, Durant’s injury took a team that was a legit title contender and turned them into an 8th seed.

It’s gonna suck when this rolls over until next year and ends up being like a 27th pick because Ibaka, Westbrook, and Durant have the Thunder back competing for a championship. (It’s Top-15 protected next year by the way.)


The Miami Heat Pick

(Top-Ten Protected, Heat Tanking Position:10th)

This one is still alive technically. Miami has to beat the Magic and the Sixers and either the Jazz, Pacers, or Nets have to lose out. The Heat are out of playoff contention so they aren’t the most motivated team right now but even a half-hearted effort should be enough to best the worldbeaters that are the Magic and Sixers. Even if they do win out and one of the 3 teams listed above loses out it still comes down to a coinflip to decide who gets the 10th and 11th pick.

Again the injury bug sunk the Sixers here. With the Heat’s healthy lineup (Dragic, Wade, Deng, Bosh, Whitehead) they are undoubtedly a playoff team especially in the East. But the vets that are in charge of Bosh said the clots in his lung were going to keep him out until next season. Luckily for Chris, Lebron was kind enough to tweet him some love so it’s all good. The pick is still Top 10 protected next year so I’d be surprised if they didn’t get it then. Still, it would have been ideal for that to turn into the 11th pick.


The LA Lakers Pick

(Top-Five Protected, Lakers Tanking Position:4th)

This one is all up to the way the ping pong balls bounce. The Lakers are locked in at the #4 spot in the lottery sandwiched in between the Sixers and the Magic. Two teams with less balls in the lotto would have to jump the Lakers for this pick to stay in Quaker City. It’s only a 19% chance but crazier things have happened. This one is only protected Top 3 next year so it’s pretty safe to say they’d at least get it next year. And barring a huge move in the offseason (looking at you Kevin Love) the Laker’s pick should still be top 10 or so next year.

God this was a depressing blog to write. Here’s a Vine of Dario Saric balling out to ease the pain.

#TogetherWeTank