The Time I Was Persecuted For My Beliefs (Or Lack Thereof)

Living in Philly, I am a huge fan of Uber considering SEPTA is the alternative. For those who don’t know SEPTA is a metal tube-shaped urinal that runs below Broad Street. On a good day I can avoid eye contact and pretend I’m listening to something on my phone (I don’t get reception in the tunnels). On a bad day I could end up waking up at Jefferson Hospital because I had the audacity to step on someone’s foot while getting on the train.

So again I sometimes opt to take Uber on the weekends for the sake of my hygiene and my brain cells. But my Uber experience last weekend has me thinking about looking into Lyft or braving the elements (the smells and the knockout game) and going back to SEPTA exclusively.

Saturday I realized we were tapped out and needed to make a run to the liquor store. 5 minutes later my driver was out front, I punched in the address and off we went. When we got about halfway there I asked him if he could wait out front while I ran in quick and got my supplies. He asked what I needed to grab and I told him we were stopping at a liquor store. In hindsight the kufi skull cap and the fact the drivers name was Abdul probably should have tipped me off that this might not go over well, alcohol being forbidden in Islam and all. Abdul began warning me of the dangers of alcohol (something I am all too familiar with):

and how it was a grave sin. He told me even Christianity believed drinking was a sin. I made a mental note, to inform my childhood priest the next time I was in Scranton, so he could cut the whole wafers and wine routine. I then told him I wasn’t interested in being converted, leaving out the part where I’m pretty skeptical about the whole god thing in general (pick your battles, ya know?) He told me he couldn’t take me any further and made me get out of the car.

I hailed a cab from there and everything worked out fine but I was still pretty pissed about the whole thing. You don’t want to take people to certain places, tough titties you’re a cab driver. I’m sure he would have only got docked down a virgin or 2 if he took me all the way there. 72 sounds kinda excessive anyway.

PS- I thought it was funny that the second cabbie was also a Muslim and was also from Ghana and gave zero fucks about being a liquor mule. Of course I didn’t mention what was in the bag until we were within a block of my apartment. Even an idiot like me knew to play it safe there.


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