Hinkie Just Trade Raped The Kings

Sixers Get Kings Get
– Nik Stauskas
– Carl Landry
– Jason Thompson
– 2018 1st round pick (top-10 protected)
– Right to swap 1st rd pick w/Kings in ’16
– Right to swap 1st rd pick w/Kings in ’17
– Rights to Arturas Gudaitis (47th pick in 2015)
– Rights to Luka Mitrovic (60th pick in 2015)

Trade-rape. There is no other word for it. Hinkie trade-raped Vlade Divac. He got him all hopped up on cheap Serbian vodka, took him behind the California State Capitol building (Jesus, Sacramento have one notable landmark for me) and he trade-raped him.

Like Billy Joel I go to extremes with Sixers trades either saying Hinkie is the second coming or the sky is falling but this one really is a steal. He traded two no-name Eastern European slumps for 2 legitimate NBA role players, a 2nd year lottery pick, a future 1st rounder, and 2 pick swaps. That’s quite a haul.

Nik Stauskas was by all accounts extremely underwhelming last season. He only averaged 4 points a game and didn’t shoot particularly well. But the kid is 21 years old. He was Big Ten POY just 2 seasons ago. He’s 6’6” and has proven he can shoots the lights out of a gym (though he hasn’t at the professional level). He had one bad season and the Kings gave up on him. The Celtics kicked Chauncey Billups to the curb too early and he ended up turning into one of the best PGs in the NBA. I’m not saying that’s where Stauskas is headed; I’m just saying there is potential for that to happen.

Landry and Thompson are both serviceable 4s. They won’t wow you but they deserve a roster spot and are probably an upgrade from the corpses the Sixers were forced to trot out last season. They add to the logger-jam in the frontcourt the Sixers were already dealing with but they like most Hinkie moves the players are actually secondary to the picks. They are overpaid but without these contracts the Sixers were flirting with the salary cap floor (it’s depressing that I’ve become all to familiar with this term in the past few years).

Another trade another protected first rounder. Ideally the Kings can add one more decent players this off-season so they are good enough to fall out of the top 10 but bad enough to miss the playoffs. The Kings owner inexplicably has them in win now mode but I believe that they aren’t shocking anyone this season. My only fear is that they will do too good a job of tanking and end up keeping this pick (for now).

The pick swaps are what everyone seems to be missing about this trade. Like I said above the Kings are a trainwreck. Their best player Boogie Cousins is being shopped because their coach George Karl hates him. Meanwhile everyone who has ever played for Karl hates him and he’s a 64 year old cancer survivor. Not to be morbid but Karl may be nearing retirement for health reasons, or just because he has the people skills of a public masturbator. To top it all off the team is in Sacramento so good luck attracting any free agents. In short, this team is going to stink for the foreseeable future. It is more than likely that they will have a lot of ping pong balls in the lottery come 2017 and 2018. The Sixers on the other hand are on the upswing, or so we hope. They have some talented young bigs, tons of cap space, and they are just lousy with draft picks. By 2017 they should be hanging around the bottom 4 of the Eastern Conference playoffs at the very least. It’ll be nice to actually try to win basketball games instead of tanking, knowing that regardless of where your pick is you can always swap it for the one that the dumpster fire that is Sacramento has.


PS- Not a good sign for my boy Stauskas that I looked on Vine and couldn’t find a single highlight from the NBA. Help a brother out, Nikky.