Month: September 2015

UNC WR Just Solved UNC’s Attendance Problem

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I’ve always wondered why UNC didn’t have a better program and fan base. I get that basketball will always be king for the Tar Heel State but football, especially college football, is God south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Plus those Carolina Blue jerseys are some of the nicest in the country. But it doesn’t matter why now because Bug Howard just solved the attendance issue.

Seriously this is an awesome (and undoable) suggestion. You don’t need any reason other than the game itself to get me into Beaver Stadium but PSU and UNC do not have the same following. You need an added gimmick to get asses into seats and a pickup basketball game would do just that.

If Howard tweaked the idea a little and had former UNC players who didn’t quite make it in the NBA (and there are plenty) play at halftime we’re a hell of a lot closer to making this a reality.

PS- I realize this is a logistical nightmare and will never happen. I just like the cut of Bug Howard’s jib

Marcus Dupree Was Offered An Oil Well To Play Football

This doesn’t surprise me one bit. Dupree’s 30 for 30 The Best That Never Was and to a greater extent The Pony Express showed the kind of cash these boosters are willing to go to to land these top recruits. And I bet that was only the tip of the iceberg.

While I certainly wouldn’t turn down an oil well that’s not how I’d go about wooing a guy like Dupree. A poor uneducated kid from the South isn’t going to realize how lucrative an oil well is, especially at that age. You’re better off throwing straight cash and cars and houses at them. It’s cheaper and the kid is too dumb to realize the oil well is the much better gift.

PS- It would not be a good look for Oklahoma if Marcus Dupree has his name on the deed to an oil well somewhere.

Another Day Another Florida Publix Fight

We don’t have any Publix in Pennsylvania (I don’t think) so I have a serious question: Is a Publix a store or just an extremely well-stocked fight club? Because every single video I see is just a bunch of dirtbags throwing haymakers and throwing each other into shelves. Are there registers there or do you literally just fight for food? This is where it would really help if anyone actually read this blog.

PS- Would you rather be a publix cashier in Florida or an actual prison guard in a state like New Hampshire or Vermont? For me it’s a no-brainer. I’m taking the one that gives me a baton and a gun.

Pirates Clinched Last Night, And The Rockies Congratulated Them

Jesus Colorado have some self-respect. I know your team has been pretty consistently terrible since your conception but you don’t help the other team celebrate after they beat you. I’d expect that kind of spineless politeness out of a Canuck-run team like the Blue Jays but you’re an American team goddammit.

The worst part is that this took planning which means the Rockies went into this game expecting to lose (or at least allowing the possibility). After a loss anything past a handshake and a half-hearted “good game” is bush league.

PS- Go Buccos

Former Sixer/Professional Basketball Watcher, Jason Richardson Retires

The NBA will enter the 2015-16 season without one of the most memorable dunkers in its history. In truth, though, Jason Richardson became a fan favorite at several stops in his 14-year career due to the effort he put in to ensure that he would be known for more than just his aerial ability.

Although his time with the Sixers was hardly even worth mentioning J-Rich had himself a pretty solid career. He might not have taken home any hardware and he never made the All-Star team but he did manage to win the dunk competition in back to back years, something only he, Jordan, and Nate Robinson have been able to do so far.

In my mind he’s right up there with Air Carter as one of the best dunkers of my lifetime. Good for Richardson realizing that a player like him has limited value when you lose your ups and getting out of the league at the right time. It’s sad when players stay too long.

PS- Never Forget

jrich off boozer's head

Budweiser Is Teaming Up With Clamato. Gross

As a borderline alcoholic I’ve poured some pretty vile concoctions down my gullet. From the vodka Gatorade mixes in high school to the rot gut whiskey and Vlad days of college, I’ve treated my taste buds and my liver like they had gangbanged my grandmother. But even I have my limits. What was the pitch here? Clamato juice is disgusting on it’s own, might as well dump booze in it. It sounds like one of the worse combinations I can think of.

I do have to give props to Annheuser-Busch for innovating new ways in which you can induce vomiting. This seems like a Hispanic-themed drink though so I’m sure it will fly off the shelves. This may be the first thing me and The Donald agree on.

Katie Nolan Goes For The Jugular On Demarco Murray

PHILADELPHIA — Eagles running back DeMarco Murray has a hamstring injury, and his status for Sunday’s game against the Jets in New York is considered questionable, a league source told ESPN’s Adam Caplan. The injury is not considered serious, the source said. Murray underwent an MRI after leaving practice Wednesday with the injury. He has run for just 11 yards in his first two games with the Eagles. Murray’s post-practice media availability Wednesday was canceled, and he was not in the locker room when reporters were allowed in there.

I only know Katie Nolan from her appearances on Barstool but she seems pretty funny but this is the definition of kicking a man when he’s down. Cousin DeMarco’s stats were abysmal for Monday’s game but I would place most of the blame for that on the Eagles’ offensive line or lack thereof. There was nowhere to run for DeMarco and on half those plays he was breaking tackles just to get back to the line of scrimmage.

I do have to give credit where credit is due though, that’s a clever analogy and she gets a 10/10 for her delivery.