Steve Bannon To Appear On The Cover of Divorced Dad Quarterly

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Ivanka Trump is not the only member of the Trump administration gracing lifestyle magazines these days. Divorced Dad Quarterly has made the no-brainer decision to place the White House’s resident drunk uncle on the cover of their magazine. “He really is a perfect representative for our brand. The messy divorce, the somehow-sorta-connected antisemitic rants. The glossy, yellow blood shot eyes, the gin-blossom nose, the perpetual stubble. Not since Season-3-of-Friday-Night-Lights-Buddy Garrity have we had someone who so perfectly encapsulates what we as a magazine stand for. He’s a real deadbeat piece of shit is what we’re saying really.”

An attempt was made to reach out to the White House Chief Strategist but Bannon was reportedly busy drunk dialing his ex-wife and mumbling incoherently about “zionists” while leering at Jared Kushner.

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